Being honest.

I know I haven't posted in a while.. as I told you and you probably know I'm on vacations right now and I'm not excusing myself, actually I'm gonna stop with the excuses because when you love something and you're passionate about it, you always find the time for it no matter what or where you are.

So you can understand more of what I'm trying to say.. I'm not saying that this blog is not my passion cause it is, like I told you in my first post ever.. I am completely obsessed with fashion and I love it more than anything in this life, so yes I'm passionate about it.

What I hate is.. writing, I admit it. I hate it, I hate it and I will always hate it.

I cannot sit down and put everything that goes through my mind into words, to me it's not easy. I can't express myself with words or type them I feel like I lose the real essence of what I'm trying to say.. if that somehow makes sense.

So yes, I've been having a rough time trying to write this blog every day or every week because if I do not have the inspiration to put the ideas of my mind into words I just can't do it. 

I am forcing myself to do it because it's something I want to accomplish in my life, to not give up so easily on this just because I don't like writing.. I wanna see how far this can take me by working my ass off and for that I need to put the things that I don't like to the side and focus on what I want and what I do like so I can make this happen..

I want things to fall into place, if this blog doesn't take me anywhere at least I want to know when I'm 80 that it wasn't because I gave up and I'm still asking myself what would've happened it I've never stopped, no.. I wanna be sure in that moment that nothing happened because it wasn't meant to be, and not because I did not work hard enough to get what I wanted.

I remember that when I was younger I always loved the idea of becoming "someone" at a young age, I remember being 12 years old and thinking that for my early 20's I wanted to already be some sort of famous person, someone successful.. and now I realize that I'm 19, I'm turning 20 in August and by that month my life will probably be the same as it is right now.

And yes I am so damn afraid of it.. I've been watching The Carrie Diaries lately and I saw how Carrie's life turned to perfection in a few months, then everything went to hell in three episodes and now she has Sebastian and Maggie back in her life, Larissa gave her a second chance and now her article for the Interview magazine it's going to be published.. all these things that I've been dreaming for myself since I was so little.

I know it's just a netflix show and that Carrie Bradshaw is not real, but I still dream of having my Carrie Bradshaw moment.. life maybe?

And I guess that if when I turn 20 I haven't accomplished anything huge yet, it will be ok, cause I have a life time for it, and anything can happen in this life and the best things happen in the blink of an eye.. expect the unexpected and like I read one day.. "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough" I don't know who said that but whoever did, thank you, cause it's real, and I'm making it my motto.. along some other phrases.. haha.

Right now I might not be in the best phase of my life or maybe I'm not that "someone" that I want to be, but I have other things right in this moment, that I like.. that I enjoy, so I'm happy, I'm happy with what I have.

Sincerely, Diana x